If I hit the big one...

The big lottery, of course. The big payout. The massive buckaroonies, the cool millions. I suffer from major insomnia, and often when I am trying to sleep, I lay in bed and think about rolling in the dough. Instead of counting sheep, I become a designer. I close my eyes and picture a gigantic mansion with gleaming hardwood floors and huge bay windows and french doors. Then I go through each room and fill it with imaginary furnishings, beautiful wall hangings, luxurious rugs, and walk in closets full of designer shoes and handbags.

I don't look over any details, and I usually fall asleep in the middle of furnishing the den. Sometimes I make it usptairs to the bedrooms if it is a particularly rough night.

I know it sounds silly. But it works for me. And I am able to erase all the distractions and stresses out of my mind and focus on one thing.

Anyhoo, I love to fantasize about hitting the big payout. I recently watched a documentary on previous lottery winners who spent their way through their money in record speed. Most ended up with foreclosed homes, drug addictions, and animosity among family members.

But that would never happen to me! Upon collecting my check, I'd immediately set the vast majority of it aside. I'd get a trusted team of financial advisors and invest my money wisely. Put aside a large amount for my kiddos, money they won't be able to touch until graduating college, or at age 27. I'd also put aside money for my niece and nephew.

Move the hell out of this tiny apartment, get a beautiful house and furnish it just like I've imagined hundreds of times. Get a great car, a big beefy gas guzzling truck for Tony. Get some lipo, go on a shopping spree, buy some fun toys for the family. I'm sure I'd spend a good chunk, finally having a bit of fun. But then I'd stay here in small town Idaho, shop at Target, stalk the dollar store, and buy 2 for $5 flip flops at Old Navy. We'd have some great family vacations, and I'd finally be able to relax and enjoy staying at home without worrying about finances.

But more importantly...I think I'd have more kids. Yeah, my pregnancies suck, big time. But I just love my kids. And the main reason we aren't having more is financial. Children are God's great gifts, so miraculous and full of life. Kids keep us young! If for some reason I wasn't able to have more, or if the physical problems got worse, I'd either adopt or become a foster parent. There are so many kids out there who need a loving home, even if only briefly. I'd love to open my arms and doors to other children to show them love and affection. It would be hard to be a foster parent though, I get so emotionally attached, I'd have the hardest time letting go when the time came.

I love thinking about hitting it big. But I have to remember to keep myself grounded, and realistic. Odds are...it ain't gonna happen! But I still buy that one dollar ticket every Wednesday and Saturday. It's only 2 bucks a week. Eight dollars a month, $104 dollars a year. And if it takes me 10 years to win, I'll only have spent a grand on little pieces of paper!

Come on baby! Make me a winnah! Mama needs shoes, baby needs diapers!

What would you do with your millions?