Friday, February 9, 2007


Bullies. They run rampant through high schools, middle schools, and elementaries. They steal lunch money, tease, pressure their peers, and get physically violent. Most kids are confronted with a bully at some time in their school career.

But when did bullies start appearing at the playground? Two and three year old bullies? Yesterday Chloe and I went to the park. I strapped Alivia in the Mei Tai and pushed Chloe on the swing. It was a sunny day, very rare for February, and there were a few other kids and Mamas at the playground too. I may be a paranoid freak, but I watch my child closely at the playground. Especially since she is not that steady climbing up and down playground equipment. A Mom was there with two girls, a one year old, and a three year old. The three year old and Chloe were playing side by side in the bark, but not really interacting with each other. The older girl took a stick out of Chloe's hand and then got up and ran away with it. My sweet girl looked up at me confused then laughed and said UH OH! She picked up another stick and continued playing. A few minutes later she was climbing up the stairs to go on the slide, and the older girl was coming down. I told Chloe to scoot over so that her friend could pass. The girl stopped right in front of Chloe, facing her. I called Chloe's name again and started toward her. Chloe looked at me and right then the girl shoved her with all of her little three year old force. Chloe went flying backwards off the stairs, tumbling head over heels down 7 hard stairs. She was bawling, but not bleeding or anything. I stood her up and brushed her off but she said "Go home!!!" So we left. As I was leaving I glanced at the mom and hear her say in the sweetest, softest sing-song voice "Oh no no baby, don't hit!!!" Umm...your daughter just shoved mine down a flight of stairs, and THAT is your reaction? Come on lady!

I think I need to prepare myself for the long hard years ahead. I just hate seeing my child hurt, and when it was another child that did the damage, my heart just aches. I know this happens all the time, but it really STINKS to be on the receiving end. Thank God Chloe is a calm, mild mannered child who has never hit another kid. I pray that it stays that way.

I love that my toddler is really sensitive and sweet, she loves to cuddle and read and is uber attached to her Mommy. It hurts to see her hurt. Even though she was fine when we got back home. She even picked up her blankie and said night night Mommy as she walked to her room for her nap. I'm so lucky!!!!

Wednesday, February 7, 2007


What's a five letter word for absolute hell? A devastating, heart breaking, guilt filled experience? The shedding of tears, frustration, pain, and utter exhaustion?


I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. It's been the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. It's causing a strain on my marriage, my relationship with Chloe, and my sanity.

Chloe and I left Ali with Dad today and went to the library. I checked out a ton of books written about colic. Chloe and I got some one on one time, and a little mini break. Afterwards we went across the street to the park. I met the nicest mom! She was there with her two girls, one of whom was only a few months older than Chloe. We chit chatted for awhile and when she asked if Ali was a good baby, I just smiled tersely and said "Oh yes, she's great!"

Yeah....not so much. I enjoy her the very most when she is sleeping, because those times are few and far between. The nights have been getting worse, and I am currently surviving on 2-3 hours of sleep a night. Unfortunately, I have NEVER been able to sleep during the day when it is light, no matter how tired I am, so I can't nap when Chloe and Ali are napping. Since my husband works graveyard shift, I am alone at nights. Which happens to be her very fussiest time.

The definition of colic is basically a baby that won't stop crying. It's easy to long as baby cries more than 3 hours a day, 3 days a week, for 3 weeks...she has colic. It hasn't been 3 weeks for us yet, but so far 6-7 hours a day, 7 days a week, so I am pretty sure we qualify. The hardest part is figuring out the CAUSE of colic. So far I am unsure. Since I am partially breastfeeding, I thought it may be caused by allergies or some other gastrointestinal irritation. So I am currently on a dairy free diet. I'll try that to see if that makes any difference in her fussiness. We are also switching her to soy formula. If that doesn't work, we are going to try an allergy-sensitive formula. If THAT doesn't work..I'm not sure what we can do from there.

I had colic as a child. My mother said I screamed through the first six months of my life. Non stop. I put them through hell. Payback sucks.

The other hard part about colic is your child is inconsolable. Her screams are ear piercing, her face turns red, her tummy gets hard as a rock, and she waves her fists in the air in anger. I have tried every trick possible, going for drives, walks, slinging her, swinging her, shushing her, swaying, rocking, bouncing, letting her cry on her own, putting her on her tummy, back, side, patting, massaging, bathing, feeding, burping, changing, white noise, warmer room, cooler room, going outside, talking, singing, music, more light, less light, no blankets..yeah, you get the drift.

I am going through a bit of an internal battle. It's hard not to blame yourself when your child cries nonstop. You feel like a bad parent, you feel guilt-ridden, hopeless, helpless, and frustrated. You snap easily at others when they offer help, you become a recluse and stop answering the phone when friends call. You type out blog posts as fast as you possible can so you can finish before baby wakes yet again.

It's a roller coaster. But it will end eventually. The road is long and bumpy, but the end is in sight. And most parents who have been through it say that they have an insanely close bond with their colicky child. So hang on Ali, we'll make it through.

Monday, February 5, 2007

Utter CHAOS!

My house is in CHAOS mode. According to, that means "Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome." My living room is a mass of toys, dirty laundry, diaper changing paraphernelia, dirty dishes, shoes, you name it. My kitchen sink is overflowing, the floor needs swept, and something is growing a rather pretty bluish/greenish tinted fuzz in my refrigerator. Chloe's room is bursting at the seams with clothes, books, toys, stuffed animals, and who knows what else. I have a laundry pile that is close to 6 feet tall. In the interest of adjusting to sharing my time with two kids, I have competely neglected all things related to housework. Ali is still nursing around the clock, and it is rather hard to fold clothes with one hand. My poor family is suffering as I haven't made a nice homecooked meal in weeks!

It's time to get back in the swing of things. Before I had Ali, in about my 7th month of pregnancy, I started FLYing. I started following FlyLady's routine daily, along with a group of Mamas I met online. We kept each other focused, motivated, and accountable. My house was gleaming! DH was ecstatic, and I threw out many, many garbage bags of unused clutter. It was so freeing! And the daily routine was easy to follow. But I really regret letting my house go down the pooper for nearly a month.

So today I began Flying again! The great thing about Flylady is that she stresses BABY STEPS. Don't do it all at once or else you will get flustered and frustrated and burnt out. Then the house will get just as bad the next day. So today I began by setting my timer for fifteen minutes and straightening up my kitchen. When the timer went off, I stopped. I barely made a dent in the massive clutter....BUT tomorrow I will do another fifteen in the kitchen, and fifteen in the living room. I should be caught up soon. It is so wonderful to have a clean house! Plus getting off my rear end and working does wonders for losing that darn baby weight! And since Ali is a rather attached child, I can pop her in the Mei Tai and she is content to snuggle up to me as I put a little elbow grease into scrubbing the crap out of a grease covered pan. The joys of being a housewife!

So check out FlyLady's website. She has a lot of ideas for getting your house in tip top shape, and even better, KEEPING it that way!

Sunday, February 4, 2007

Let's Do the Math...

I have officially decided I am never leaving the house again. Yesterday I attempted an outing with both kids. Here's the mathematical breakdown of our experience...

47....number of minutes it took to get the two girls ready
3 1/2...number of minutes I spent getting ready
11....number of minutes it took to get the girls out the door, down the stairs, and buckled
2...number of times I had to run back inside to grab something I forgot
2...number of children who pooped the second we got to the store
1...number of Mommies who forgot extra diapers (who forgets diapers? Isn't that usually number one on the list? D'oh!)
17....number of customers who avoided the frazzled mom with the stinky cart
1....number of overtired toddlers who threw a tantrum when we had to leave

Ok, so we just went to the grocery store. But it is not an experience I am eager to repeat. I think I'll just seclude myself in the house for the next six months or so. And every time an experienced Mama says "It gets better!" I have an intense urge to throw a poopy diaper at her. Nah, just kidding, that's a little violent. I would be content to just squirt some Butt Paste in her direction.

Friday, February 2, 2007

A Zebra Lesson

I hate labels. In high school I wasn't a geeky kid, but I was smart. I wasn't a drug head, but I did indulge occasionally. I wasn't a popular kid, but I had a lot of friends. I wasn't an athlete, but I enjoyed sports. So as a parent, I find myself stuck in the middle when it comes to a lot of issues. I guess I would call myself an "attached parent" in that I respect my children very much, and try to be firm, but gentle. I co sleep, I breastfed (err..try to at least), I don't spank or yell, I go to my children as soon as they cry, and most importantly of all...I listen. I listen to Chloe when she is so frustrated that she knocks her books off the shelf. I listen and respond right away to both of my children when they cry. And I listen to my inner Mommy voice that tells me to be calm, be consistent, be fair, and be gentle.

Today Chloe and I played with her Little People zoo set. Chloe was the zebra, and I was the giraffe. While we played I made up a silly song about animals being nice to each other, and my giraffe smothered her zebra in kisses and hugs. Chloe was cracking up laughing, I was smiling and a great lesson was taught.

Imagine this...It's Christmas morning and you eagerly rip open a beautifully wrapped present from your spouse (Grandmother, sister, whoever. Be creative, it's your imagination). Inside the box you find a gorgeous set of diamond earrings. They sparkle in the light and take your breath away by their sheer beauty. You pull the earrings out of the velvet box, throw them on the ground, and crush them beneath your boot. You yell obscenities at them, angrily scoop them up and throw them into a dark, cold closet, slamming the door behind you. Wait, what? You wouldn't treat a beautiful gift with such disrespect and brutality . You are much too practical!

Children are sweet. They are adorable and funny. They are so smart, and talented. Children are amazing. And they are our gift. Treat them as such.

Thursday, February 1, 2007

I made it!

I have officially entered the Great Land of Blog. I'm a first timer here, so bear with me as I ramble some nonsense. Since I am from the oh so great state of Idaho, I guess I will call myself a BlogAHo.

So welcome to my blog! I was going to attempt one entry per day, but I think I will start with 3 per week and go from there!!

Peaceful Chaos

I chose the name Peaceful Chaos for my blog because it describes my household to a T. The days are chaotic, I often find that before I know it, it's 5 PM and I haven't gone to the bathroom yet. A redheaded, spunky, two year old takes up a third of my time, and a redheaded, tiny, two week old takes up another third. Cooking, cleaning, running errands, and doing laundry take up the last third. There's not much time in the day to be an attentive wife, let alone find a few minutes for myself! My tooth brush sits forgotten in it's holder, my blow dryer remains still and quiet, and I've just reapplied my second dose of deodorant. I've got one child attached to my breast as I am trying to cool off a bowl of soup for a "tarvin" toddler. While both children eat, the buzzer dings to unload the dryer, and the phone shrilly rings. The baby unlatches and starts wailing, and a bowl of soup is suddenly unturned. One word. Chaos.

But late at night when I am finally ready to settle down, I peek in on my two year old monster. She's soundly sleeping amid 9 stuffed animals, 2 dolls, 4 blankies, 1 very special blanket, 2 pillows, and for some reason, one of her Dad's baseball caps. I kiss my hand and gently touch it to her forehead. I close my eyes and silently wish her sweet dreams and a restful night. The house is still, lit by the soft glow from a few night lights. Back in my bedroom I crawl into bed next to a tiny, warm newborn. I snuggle her close and gently rub the strawberry blond peach fuzz on her head. She makes one of those heart-melting baby squeaks and I smile. One word. Peace.