1) I rule this roost. Mommy may think she is in charge but she is just in major denial. The world revolves around ME.
2) If you think a schedule would work wonders for me, please refer to rule number 1.
3) If I am crying, you may only pick me up to console me IF, and I repeat, IF, you are my Mommy. If you are my Daddy, or Grandma, or some other person, don't even attempt it.
4) I will only sleep curled up next to Mommy. I have to be holding her pinky finger, I must be rotated exactly 170 degrees to the East, and I have to be wrapped in the same blanket.
5) Mommy, if you attempt to move away from me once I am sound asleep, I will know. I will wake. I will cry.
6) Don't even think about feeding me those nasty solids. If you try I will clench my lips and thrust my tongue out at you. If you try a second time, I will bat at the spoon and fling goop everywhere. If you try a third time I will blow sweet potato rasberries all over you. If you try a fourth time, I start to think you aren't all that bright Mom.
7) I love my sister. If she cries, I cry harder. If she laughs, I laugh too. If she falls down, I laugh again.
8) Sometimes when I am happy, I will entertain myself. I will play on the floor, I will work on my motor skills. I will laugh, and giggle and smile. Enjoy these times.
9) Naps are for wussies. We don't speak of that four letter word in my household.
10) If you have any questions or concerns about any of my mannerisms, please feel free to read rule number 1.
Saturday, July 7, 2007