Waaaah!

Can I have a poor me moment?

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! I am going crazy. It just feels like I am surrounded in chaos, messy house, crying baby, whiny toddler, burning dinner, it just never ends. And it's not the peaceful kind either. It feels like I get one part of my life under control (marriage is going much better) and then something else goes down the potty.

Alivia got up no less than thirty times last night. It goes like this.

Rock baby for anywhere from 5 to 45 minutes.
Lay baby down.
Mommy lays down and fights insomnia for a few hours.
Baby rolls over to tummy.
Baby wakes up.
Mommy wakes up.
Mommy rolls baby back over.
Baby goes back to sleep for half an hour.
Mommy fights insomnia, then drifts back to sleep.
Baby rolls back to tummy.
Baby wakes up.

Etc, etc, etc. All night long. I've tried putting pillows next to her (down by her legs, not her face) but that doesn't stop her. We have a sleep positioner but it is too small for her. I can't figure out how to keep her on her back or side!

And then a family member has the freakin audacity to suggest moving her to a crib. WTF is that going to do? Then I will just have to physically get out of bed thirty plus times a night. And please tell me where a crib is going to fit in this cardboard box of an apartment? Squeezed in our bedroom so we won't be able to get out of bed? Squeezed next to Chloe's bed so they can wake each other up all night? In the kitchen? On the porch?

Sigh. I just feel like I am in a sea of stress and frustration, and my head is barely above water.

Not to mention my newly mobile baby. I was hoping I would have a few more months, but my luck isn't that great methinks. She is crawling (slowly still), army crawling (lightening fast), sitting (a bit wobbly), and rolling (all over). She just wants to get up and go like big sissy.

This brings me to my next and biggest source of frustration. This eensy teensy weensy little apartment. It's tiny. It's beyond tiny. It's miniscule. Yet we have managed to shove a tremendous amount of junk and useless crap into every single corner. Hubs has no less than 6 broken printers laying around that he is going to fix "sometime soon." Well, honey, they have been there for three years, your timer just ran out. I just want to grab a giant garbage bag and throw every thing away. I just filled four boxes with toys, and we still have an astounding amount of playthings laying around. I clean the house spotless, put everything in it's own place, and two days later it looks like a tornado has come through. Husband and I are both pack rats and hate to throw things away and we are terrible about picking up after ourselves, but this is getting ridiculous. We either need to get rid of 1/3 of our accumulated crap, or get a bigger place. Well, we need a bigger place anyway, two mini bedrooms and a bathroom that you can't even turn around in aren't really cutting it. But hey, it's cheap. Don't even get me started on money.

GAAAAAAAHHHHH! It's just too damn much for one person to handle. Granted, the majority of it is stuff I can fix (like my weight, the messy house) but instead I think I will just wallow in my self pity and whine to my online buddies.