Freshly Roasted Baby

Today Alivia reached up on the counter and pulled on a piece of paper that was sitting there. The paper was a brightly colored advertisement for Pamper's diapers that I had placed there for no reason. Alivia caught a glimpse of the cute little boy baby wearing the Pamper's and thought she should pull it down to see if he was hotter close up.

The problem was that sitting on top of the Pamper's catalog was my new large carton of coffee grounds (not the tin kind, the plastic jug). As she pulled down the picture of the handsome baby the entire container of grounds fell on top of her. The plastic jug did not hit her but 26 oz of coffee sand rained down upon her. She had it in her hair, nose, down her shirt, sticking to her eyelashes, it was E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E!!!!!

We were running late for a playdate, so I stripped her down and did a quick wipe down. She was in a fresh diaper so I didn't worry about checking that. While at our playgroup I noticed the scent of fresh coffee beans following her around, and found a few stray grinds in her ear.

She was a bit fussy at the store, and upon getting home and stripping her down to change her diaper I got the shock of my life. Her diaper was full of tiny little coffee grounds. I felt so bad that the poor girl had to carry around a diaper full of Folger's for several hours. :( But after washing her down she was happy as can be so I think the coffee incident is behind us.

"The best part of wakin' up...is Folger's in your butt"



P.S. This has also reminded me that I can't leave ANYTHING on the edge of counters. I can't believe her arms have gotten so long!

Day Two

The second day of spring torture cleaning is over! Last Saturday I began the daunting task of ridding my house of toys, dust, grime, clothing, junk, crap, and junk. Yesterday I spent some more time scrubbing.

My house was messy. Oh boy, it was messy. It looked a bit like my house had pushed all of the books and toys off of the shelves, pulled the clothes off of the hangars and out of the drawers, squirted ketchup and mustard all over everything, then stirred it around with a big stick. And then my house threw it all up. It was horrendous.

In my defense, I have two young children, and one much older male child. Both my husband and I missed that day in Kindergarten when the concept of clean up was taught. We both have the inability to pick up after ourselves, we're lazy housekeepers and we didn't own a mop for the first two years of our marriage. I am getting MUCH better about it, but my house is never company ready.

Every year in March and April I spend several weekends scouring the floor and walls, getting rid of stuff, and deep cleaning closets. Last year I had a three month old baby who NEVER SLEPT and so my spring cleaning agenda got shoved under the bed with the rest of the dust bunnies and old socks.

But this year I knew I really needed to spend some bonding time with some dust rags and a bottle of 409. So I wrote out my list of tasks and got ready to work. Last Satuday was spent mostly cleaning up the general chaos. It's hard to deep clean when you have dishes and toys and laundry and junk everywhere. So after spending several hours of straightening up I began on Chloe's room. I threw out several bags of broken toys, donated several bags of unused toys, and put a few boxes of toys in storage. Scrubbed down windows and doors and walls and shelves, got rid of unread books and unloved stuffed animals.

Yesterday I began the kitchen. I scrubbed down small appliances, cleaned out the fridge and sorted through cupboards. As I was getting down and dirty clean I was struck by the sheer filthiness of my walls!

The wall behind Alivia's high chair might just win some awards for being the Dirtiest Wall Ever. You see, she's a Flinger. When she is done with food she doesn't politely put down her fork and daintility wipe her mouth with a napkin. Oh no, she chucks everything on her high chair tray as far as she can. I think it is a game to her "Five points if I can hit the wall with this noodle!" "Ten points if this peach sticks to the fridge door!" "Twenty points if I can hit my sister with this sippy cup!" I usually clean up major spills right away, but the wall needed a good wipe down. I spent a good hour scrubbing off bits of stuck on food and dried juice.

Next Saturday I will continue to freshen up my grimy cave!

Toddler Conversations Part Two

Me: "You have so many toys!"
C: "Yeah I know, I a packrat."

C: "Want to play?"
Me: (pretending not to hear)
C: "HELLLLOOOOOO I said do you want to play?"
Me: "That's not nice to yell at me."
C: "(whispering) hellooo, want to play?"

C: "I'm sick."
Me: "What's the matter, does your throat hurt."
C: "No."
Me: "What's the matter?"
C: "What's the matter?"
Me: "Chloe, tell Mommy what is wrong, are you sick?"
C: "No." Walks off.

No, not the bunny, please!!!!!

So, the Easter Bunny didn't stop by our house this year.

*Gasp*

I know, it's terrible isn't it! My girls did get Easter baskets, but with the very bare minimum. Not for good reasons like consumerism, or losing the religious reason for the season, we're are just cheap. A few sugar free jelly beans, some eggs, and a small doll for each. But the baskets were from Mom and Dad.

The baskets were from us because both girls do not like the Easter Bunny. If the baby sees the gigantic, fluffy bunny she clings on to us, a panicked look on her face and her fingernails digging in to our skin. Chloe is becoming less frightened, but she is still very tentative about walking up to the large rabbit.

To be honest, I am a little bit wary as well. Full grown men dressed in large costumes, spending their free time in the mall so kids can take turns sitting on their laps? A scary perma-grin plastered on their masked face? Large unblinking eyes and big furry paws?

Now, I'm not accusing the Easter Bunny of being a pedophile, or even a man at all. I just hate that we have no idea who is underneath that costume.

The idea of telling my children that the fur covered monstrosity will come to our quiet home in the middle of the night, walk through the door, and wander through the dark house hiding baskets and eggs and Peeps? The thought alone gives me the goosebumps. Nuh-uh no siree, not for us! For now the EB will stay at the mall where he belongs, and we'll give him a half hearted wave as we pass, then shuffle along quickly.

Maybe next year. :)

Toddler conversations.

Aren't they the best? I am really loving age 3. She's potty trained, she can put on her own shoes, she will massage my feet. As soon as she learns to make her own grilled cheese sandwiches, I'll be set!!

But for now I am happy to just sit back and laugh at (I mean..with) her. These are a few of the conversations we've had lately.

C: "Holy crap, baby just fell down!"
Me: "What did you say?"
C: "Baby fell down?"
Me: "Before that?"
C: "I don't know."

C: "Mom!! Come look at my poop! It's really big!"

Me: "Hey hon, you ready to go through the car wash?"
C: "But I'm not dirty!"

Me: "Please shut the door, I'll be out of the bathroom in a minute."
C: "Ok!" slooooooowly shutting door.
C: "WAIT! Don't forget to wipe, Mom!"

Seven things about ME ME ME!

My sweet friend Laura done tagged me. She tagged me a few weeks ago, but I have been so busy I haven't kept up with my friend's blogs as much as I should. *blush*

Okay, here are the rules...

1. When tagged place the name and URL on your blog.

2. Post rules on your blog.

3. Write 6 (or 7) non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.

4. Name 6 (or 7) of your favorite blogs.

5. Send an email/comment on their blog letting them know they have been tagged.

I've completed a meme in the past about how odd I am, so I will have to think of some new interesting things.

1. I have peed my pants 7 times as an adult. Once during a laughing fit in the middle of Kmart when I was 9 months pregnant.

2. I know it doesn't seem anatomically possible, but a few years ago I shot a grape out of my nose. I was putting the grape in my mouth and I started laughing. I snorted the grape and it got caught in my nose. I had to use the 'plug and blow' technique to shoot the fruit missile out of my nostril. That made me laugh/cry so hard I had a bit of an accident. Refer to post #1.

3. I was a member or leader of more than 20 clubs and organizations when I was in high school. I was also cofounder and president (and name thinker-upper) of T.R.A.S.H.-Teens Rallying Against Smoking Habits, an anti tobacco and cessation program for high schoolers. And the Chemistry Club. And the Debate Club.

4. I now publicly and formally proclaim my non-love for Johnny Depp. I just don't get all the hype. He's not even that much to look at. K, shoot me now.

5. My idea of a perfect day...an empty house, a big blanket and pillow, a plethora of snacks (salty, sweet, chocolatey, calorie free of course) and the remote. I could very easily just sit and zone out on reality TV for hours. Mix in a few great chick flicks (Dirty Dancing, How to Lose a Guy in 10 days, The Sweetest Thing, etc) and I would be content to sit and stare at the boob tube for days.

6. My favorite number is eleven. I was born on 11/11. I always seem to look at the clock at 11:11. That's it, no other significance, except that I was 11 once. The specific number has never really brought me any luck, so I should think about moving on to a different one.

7. I was life flighted to the hospital during an 8th grade field trip. We were rock climbing. Fell and hit my noggin. Dind't mes me up to awful.

Ok, that's it about me!

So now here's the part where I am supposed to tag 6-7 other people, but ya know, I feel like these Memes get passed around to the same people and it can get a bit repetitive repetitive.

So I am going to make up a new one! Because I am so cool like that. The new meme is to post 5 interesting things we might not know about your spouse/significant other.

Corey
Laura
Megan
Lori

and.....

Suzy

Thanks for playin!

Fascinating, Fun, and Frustrating.

Life with a three year old is fun. They are such funny mini people. They can be silly and happy one moment, and angry and tantrum-y the next. But, they are so nice to have around just for the entertainment factor.

Life with a one year old is frustrating. Ali will be happily playing and the next second she is on the floor screaming and kicking because she wants another cracker. And then the next second she is sitting on my lap hugging me and giggling. And then the next second she is in time out because she gouged my eye out with her fingernails that won't. stop. growing.

Life with a husband is fascinating. One moment he is helping me do the dishes and in a flash of a second he is out fishing. I've never understood the appeal of fishing. I mean, holding a stick with a string and a sharp object on the end? Not my idea of fun.

No, my idea of fun is scrapbooking. Taping some pictures to a piece of paper, that sounds WAY more exciting right????!!!!