SHUT UP!

Anyone catch CSI tonight?

I am a proud CSI geek! I've seen every episode, I swear! I thought Grissom was the miniature killer, and tonight's episode totally confirmed that!

And all of the spoilers say that Sara is going to get killed off in the season finale on the 17th. How can it be?????

This show just keeps me guessing all the time. I love love love it!

Man, my insomnia is out of control lately. Even though I had NO sleep last night, 1 AM is creeping up very quickly and I am wide awake!

Off to go lay in bed and stare at the ceiling for a few hours..........................Night!

A big scare today!

I was busy making Alivia a bottle and getting her a clean diaper. I turned around to find Chloe sitting on the kitchen floor with the bottle of 400 count Flinstone vitamins, and a full mouth. I had to pry open her mouth and sweep the vitamins out (she had at least 10 in there) without choking her! She was putting up a huge fuss too.

So as I am counting the vitamins in the bottle, I call poison control. Since the vitamins don't have added iron, there wasn't too much of a danger, unless she ate more than a hundred, according to the poison control specialist. Fortunately only 60 were gone, and I guessed we'd used about 30 before. So she probably ate about 20-30.

I have no idea why she did that. Or how she got the child proof cap off. She knows they are vitamins (she calls them bite-uns) and that she only gets one a day.

This is actually our fifth call into poison control. Last time she ate dishwasher soap. Yum!

So make sure ALL of your pill bottles are WAAAY up out of reach, locked up if you can. The little stinkers are surprising with how quick they can climb and pop off child proof tops.

And I think we should all write letters to vitamin companies persuading them to flavor their vitamins like spinach and stop making them look like candy! Maybe they wouldn't be so appealing to little hands!

Two year old play

I get such joy watching my toddler play. She is amazing in that she will entertain herself for HOURS without any adult prompting. I used to work with toddlers in a daycare, and it was rare that they would be content to play on their own for long periods of time.

The first two years of her life, her words were few and far between. She is starting to talk a lot more, but she really only talks when she is at home. She rarely talks in front of family members or strangers.

I love watching her when she doesn't know I am watching. I know I am a bit partial, but I think she is the most imaginative two year old in the world! She is so creative and funny!

The other day Chloe was in my bedroom and I snuck up to the door and was watching her. She was looking at herself in the full length mirror and this was her exact conversation..

"Hi me!"
"Bye me!"
(then she moved to the side so she couldn't see herself)
"Hey me, where doe?"
"Meeee? Are you???"
"Me hidin!"(moving back in front of the mirror)
"Oh hey me, der are!"

I couldn't hold it in anymore, I bursted out laughing so hard! She cracks me up! She also has the little people zoo, and a lot of little people's. The other day she was sitting on the floor with the giraffe and a little people boy. She was making a chomping noise and saying "No, no! No eat me!" "Giraffe (sounds like Jaf) eat boy, oh no! Boy yummy!"

And she likes to read books to herself, but it sounds like complete jibberish! She also has word books, with big pictures of stuff. On the food page she'll point to the apple and say "Dat nana (banana)? Noooooo!" then point to the grapes "Dat nana? Noooooo!" etc. Or on her animal book she points to the monkey and says "Mokey go woof woof? Nooooo! Mokey go meow? Nooooo!" And she cracks up at herself like she just told a joke.

She also entertains herself with the most random things. She'll play for a good twenty minutes with my deodorant, scooting it on the floor and saying "Go twain! Choo choo!" Or she'll set a penny on it and say "Money go ridin!" (which sounds a lot like Muh-wee doe widin!)

Watching her play, and hearing her giggle at herself brings me so much joy. She is so easy to entertain.

It seems like wherever you go, kids are whining about being bored. They have to bring their handheld video games to the doctor's office, because the ten minute wait is too long and painful. DVD players have become standard in new cars. There are hundreds of video games, movies, high tech toys, electronics..the list goes on and on. It seems as if all of these products are hitting the shelves faster than we can scoop them up for a pretty penny. Why are we so fascinated with things that keep US fascinated? Whatever happened with entertaining ourselves?

I remember playing car games when we went on road trips as a child. We would yell out the states from license plates, name things that we saw in alphabetical order, make lists and see if the next person could memorize them. We laughed a lot. We challenged each other mentally. We created memories. We didn't stare mindlessly at a TV screen, or put on headphones and tune each other out for the whole ride.

I also remember playing board games all of the time with my family. My dad was the Monopoly King, until we found out one day he had taped some 500 dollar Monopoly bills under the table and was dipping into the supply each time we played. But we got a great laugh out of that. We played card games, and NOT for money. We didn't spend every evening glued to the boob tube.

I think we need to go back to the basics. Forget about the high tech stuff. Take a big box, label it "Distractions" and throw in our computers, TVs, video games, headphones, cell phones, and movies. (It'd have to be a BIG box!) Sit down with our families and make up funny stories. Make dinner together, eat it together, wash dishes together. Go on hikes, go fishing, go on nature walks, go roller skating. Play hide and seek, blow the dust off of the old board games. Turn off the distracting TV shows and talk to each other. Find out what your seven year old wants to be when they grow up. Ask your little girl what she would do with a hundred dollars. Have your husband tell the kids about his favorite memory as a child.

I sometimes get a mini panic attack over the state of the country. Middle school children are getting pregnant, seven year olds are doing drugs, high schoolers are bringing guns to class. I don't know the exact statistics, but I bet most of those kids come from a home where the love and affection is hard to come by.

(cue cheesy music)

If we go back to the very root of family, being together, getting to know each other, open lines of communication, trust, compassion, helping each other out, and true, real, raw love, the world would be a better place.

I just don't understand why people have kids and don't make changes to their lifestyle. Having a kid changes everything (yeah, I made that up myself!).

(End cheesy music)

Sorry, went off on a tangent there. I'll climb off my soapbox now. The whole point of this post was to say that I supremely enjoy watching my two year old play and entertain herself. And I hope that as she grows up she will still have a passion for creative play, reading, and outdoor activities, rather than TV and computer games. (I say this as I am listening to music on my headphones, typing on the computer, and watching my TIVO'd shows out of the corner of my eye. *blush blush*. But hey, the kids are in bed at least!)

A Sunday afternoon nap

Today, started off pretty early. I spent the morning brewing coffee, straightening up the kitchen, starting laundry, and playing with the kiddos.

Around 11, I decided to do some decluttering in our monster of a bedroom closet. I brought Ali in the room with me to hang out on the bed while I worked. She was acting pretty tired, so I laid down with her and curled her up against me. This is how she usually falls asleep, but once she is out, I can get up and leave her to rest.

So while she is laying there, falling asleep, I am preoccupied with all the things I need to do. I'm thinking about all of the junk in the closet and what I'm going to do with it, the coffee I've left on the kitchen counter that is growing cold, and the shower I so desperately need. I'm laying there with my mind running a mile a minute waiting for Ali to fall into a deep enough sleep so I can slowly manuever my arm out from underneath her and get to work.

As I listen to her slow even breathing, and feel the tickle of her soft breath on my cheek, I place my hand on her chest and feel the slow beat of her tiny heart. With each steady breath, I feel my body start to relax, and all the tension and stress just melts away. I slowly drift off into a peaceful sleep.

The hubby came in to find us sleeping, covered us with a blanket, turned off the light and shut the door. Soon the sounds of Chloe's laughter and squealing as Daddy played with her filled the house.

....................


I slowly started to wake up from the restful nap. I watched Alivia's peaceful, smooth, innocent face, listened to her sweet little sleep sighs, and thought about my life. At that very moment, that exact second in time, nothing else mattered. I didn't care about the credit card payment that was late, or the car that needed repairs. I wasn't worried about those extra stubborn pounds I can't get rid of, or the savings account that is shockingly small.

All the stresses that seem to take over my life and occupy my thoughts, all of the bills, the money, the arguments, the tension. None of it matters. In five years, I won't even remember it. But my family, my sweet, sweet girls, they'll always be there. I wish I could take a mental snapshot and tuck it away in my heart forever.

We may not have a new mini van, or matching furniture. Some of my clothes may be hand me downs, and my socks might have holes in them. I might not own any name brand clothes, or luxury hand bags. My shoes might cost less than five dollars, or I might not wear shoes at all. My nail polish might be from the dollar store, and we might drink tap water rather than bottled.

But I have my family. And they have me. All of those giant things that make me so stressed out are so small and insignificant. I don't know what the future holds. I don't know what tomorrow holds. But all that matters is this very moment in time.

The pigeons

Today was a busy day. We have been go go go all day long. But in the midst of our crazy agenda, my toddler taught me an important lesson.....SLOW DOWN!

This afternoon we were at the park. Chloe is very timid and shy around strangers, she doesn't like to stray far from Mom. She is very content to sit on the sidelines and watch other kids play. At first it made me sad, as if she is left out. But that is what she enjoys doing, I guess. She loves the swings, and would swing all day long if she could. I was pushing her on the swing and she kept pointing to the sky and yelling "Bird! Yook, bird!" It was a pigeon, we have lots around here, so it was nothing out of the ordinary. A few minutes later, "Yook, bird!" And again "Yook, Mama, bird!" I acknowledged that it was a bird, and smiled at her excitement. Then a few minutes later she watched a bird peck along the grass, then take flight. Her voice was filled with amazement and she said very solemnly "Yook, bird fie, Mom." She watched it soar high in the sky until it was out of sight. "Wowwww!" She breathed.

Sometimes I wish I could see the world through a child's eyes. Everything is so new and amazing, colors are bright and vivid, every day things become extraordinary. It feels as though with age, everything becomes dull, ordinary, mundane, and boring. Birds ARE amazing. Even annoying pigeons.

She is so observant, it is amazing! The park is located near a busy street, and she pointed out the sounds of a motorcycle, a diesel truck, a semi, and the boom of a stereo system. But to me, it was just ordinary traffic noise. She pointed to the helicopter, then the airplane, then another bird in the sky, all of which I wouldn't have noticed. As we walked back to the car, she let go of my hand and knelt down to point at a tiny ant. If she hadn't pointed to it and said "Yook, goss bug!" I probably would have stepped on it and never known it existed.

Her deep, chocolate eyes are so full of life. They dance with excitement and sparkle when she laughs. She is so curious and innocent. The world is just a big giant playground for her to explore.

I wish I could shield her from the sorrow of the world. I want this innocence and wonder to last forever. But before I know it, she will be learning about war, violence, corruption, and pain.

Too soon, the joy and wonder of toddlerhood will end for her. I want to hold every moment that I have with this sweet child close to my heart and never forget it.

Super Mama!

Today was a good day in the land of Mommyville. I was able to take a shower, brush my teeth and get ready. My toddler ate all her fruits and veggies, the toons were off most of the time, Alivia was unusually cheerful. Both girls napped for two hours at the same time and I was able to put that elbow grease to work.

My family is going to bed in freshly washed bedding, with a yummy dinner in their tummy, in a clean home. I packed a healthy lunch for hubby and got him off to work in time. My tub is gleaming, the house smells fresh and clean, and I probably lost a good ten pounds from cleaning nonstop all day! My house was a major tornado zone, but it finally has some semblance of order!

So it was a successful day! Little Ali is rolling over already. It seems way too early for that. Next is scooting, crawling, cruising, then it's all downhill from there! She just wants to get up and go like her big sissy!

Now I'm catching the latest episode of Shear Genius, my newest Bravo fascination. I am obsessed with the reality shows on Bravo. Real Housewives of Orange County, Top Chef, Project Runway, Top Design, and now Shear Genius! Love them! Then it's bedtime where I can snuggle in to my fresh warm sheets and cuddle my chubby, sweet, wiggle worm. Ahhh...life is good!

My, how things change!

It's so very interesting to think back on life's events. Some things make you cringe, some make you smile, and some get you a little misty eyed.

I have changed so much over the past five years. I know, everyone changes. But my life changes have been pretty drastic. Five years ago I was a carefree, fun loving, irresponsible teenager. I loved going out with friends, I laughed a lot, was always making jokes. I actually liked high school and excelled, especially in English and Literature. I was competing in speech competitions, working part time, and really enjoying life.

Four years ago (at age 17) I was approaching the end of my junior year. After just breaking up with a long time boyfriend, I was free and single at last! I tottered on the very brink of recklesness that summer. But man, I had fun! I spent most of the summer with a good friend of mine, going to parties, dating, working, drinking, laughing, and sneaking out!

Three years ago, I was busy conceiving Chloe. I was also busy preparing a senior project, memorizing two different 7 minute speeches, finishing up my senior work, working part time, and taking college finals. I was engaged to Tony, and spending every spare minute with him. I graduated high school, and two days later discovered I was pregnant. I was terrified. My blood literally ran ice cold. A million thoughts ran through my head, sadly enough, they ran along the lines of abortion/adoption. I just felt that I had so much ahead of me and I wouldn't be able to achieve that with a husband and child. I remember the doctor sitting down with me with a handful of pamphlets. She asked what I wanted to do. I just kind of stared at her, not really hearing what she was saying. I left the clinic in a bit of a fog. But over the next few days I really started to come to terms with the fact that a little person was growing inside of me. I started planning a wedding, moving in with Tony, and working. Life was busy!

Two years ago, sweet little Chloe was just a few months old, and I was enjoying being home with her. Tony had just been laid off, and the only job he had was on again/off again construction work. It was too unreliable and money was getting tight. So I started working. My sister who ran an at home daycare watched Chloe, and I started working at a computer call in center. I loved my job, and excelled prety well. It was very tiring and difficult though, being the breadwinner. The money wasn't great, so I would call myself more of a crustwinner.

One year ago, an energetic, speedy sperm met a friendly, hospitable egg, and little baby Ali began. I was still working at the same computer center, Tony was working construction still. We were really starting to settle down and get used to life. Chloe had just turned one and showing off her super sweet personality.

And now...I'm a stay at home mom. Tony works for a corrugated box company as a senior assistant operator (soon to be operator! Woot!) Chloe just turned two, and keeps me laughing all day long. And sweet Ali is just a few months old. I stay at home for several reasons. The primary reason is financial. The cost of putting two kiddos in daycare is astronomical. Plus I'd have to obtain a new work wardrobe, gas to and from work, lunches, etc. I would be spending more than I'd be making! It wouldn't make sense. The second reason is medical. Throughout both of my pregnancies, I had a tipped pelvis. My body also produced too much of the hormone Relaxin, which made my hips and pelvis spread out too far. As a result, I was in so much pain I could barely sit for five minutes. I would have to crawl to the bathroom in the middle of the night because I couldn't stand up. I definetely wouldn't be able to go back to a sit down job, as the pain is too excruciating. I have physical therapy and chiropractic appointments every week, and my physical therapist has recommended that I rest as much as I can, and take it easy. The third reason is pure love! I love my kids. I love my husband! I love being able to stay at home with my girls, give them quality care, and spend as much time with them as possible. Things get frustrating, chaotic, and boring. But the thought of someone else raising my kids all day makes me so sad. I also like to be able to cook for my husband, and keep a clean home (which doesn't happen as much as I'd like!)

So, that was the past five years. In three years I graduated high school, moved three times, got married, had two kids, went to college, and broke my back. It's been a crazy ride!

And it's interesting that hindsight is always 20/20. I see so many things in my past that I shouldn't have done. But it made me who I am, and I like that person. She would be even better minus 30 pounds though!